How to be an empathetic manager (without becoming a therapist)

Empathy is a powerful tool for managers, but when it turns into endless venting it drains energy and blurs performance judgment. The article argues that setting clear boundaries around emotional sharing protects both the manager's capacity and the team's focus. It stresses that leaders must balance listening with the responsibility to assess work and potential, a conflict therapists don't face.

Wes points out that managers cannot remain neutral observers; every conversation feeds into promotion decisions and assessments of stress tolerance. If a direct report feels they can unload all frustrations without consequence, the manager may unintentionally reward poor emotional regulation or miss signs of burnout. The guidance is to let people speak, then pivot the dialogue toward concrete improvement.

The practical formula is simple: acknowledge the feeling, restate the core issue, and ask actionable questions like "What can we change?" or "How can I provide air coverage?" Sample phrasing includes "I hear you that X is frustrating; what can we do to make it better?" This shifts the focus from venting to problem-solving while still showing genuine care.

A common pitfall is jumping straight to a solution, which signals dismissal. Instead, spend a moment restating the concern to prove you listened, then explore options. The article contrasts terse responses with richer ones that validate emotion and invite collaboration, illustrating the impact with concrete dialogue snippets.

Finally, the piece advises gentle push-back when a team member's view becomes extreme, helping them develop a right-sized reaction. By reminding people that challenges are often temporary and comparable to past experiences, managers guide more balanced mental models. The four takeaways are: don't act as a therapist, listen then direct toward action, avoid premature solutions, and push back gently to calibrate reactions.