Asking "What would you like to do, and how can I best support you?" stops managers from creating dependency and builds the team's confidence to make decisions on their own.
The core insight is that a single, well-phrased question can return ownership to the person closest to the work. Instead of offering a solution, the manager asks, "What would you like to do about it, and how can I best support you?" This forces the employee to consider options and signals that the leader's role is to coach, not to fix.
When managers jump in with a quick fix they train their teams to depend on the leader for answers. The author recounts a conversation with her husband, a tech manager, who resisted the urge to solve a colleague's problem. By simply asking the colleague what they wanted to do and offering support, the manager restored agency, reduced emotional load, and helped the team member see they could decide without permission. The moment the question was asked, the colleague's posture changed from stuck to empowered.
To apply the line, pause before you offer a solution. Ask what options the reporter is weighing, explore their reasoning, and only step in with guidance when necessary. Over time this habit builds decision-making muscle in the team, keeps the manager out of the weeds, and creates a coaching mindset that improves both performance and morale.
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