How can I deal with a team member who is always complaining?

Leaders often see a nonstop complainer as a distraction, but the real value lies in the energy behind the grievance. When a senior leader asked a chronic critic, "What would you like to see instead, and what part of that are you willing to take on?" the person moved from fault-finding to ownership, changing the team dynamic. The shift from silencing to inquiry turns a draining pattern into a source of ideas and accountability. The article breaks down why people complain through several psychological lenses. Reinforcement shows that rewarding a complaint-like extending deadlines-cements the behavior. Learned helplessness reveals that repeated ignored feedback creates despair, so complaints become a symptom of powerlessness. Locus of control research shows that external blame signals a lack of agency, while cognitive biases such as the negativity effect make negative signals dominate. Understanding these mechanisms lets leaders address the root cause instead of merely the symptom. Practical moves focus on changing the reward structure and the conversation. Ask owners to propose solutions and commit to leading them, thereby rewarding ownership over venting. Use the Circle of Concern, Influence, and Control to help the team identify what they can actually change and release what they cannot. Balance negativity by deliberately naming strengths first, and acknowledge the belonging need behind complaints with statements like, "I see this matters to you, what would help you feel more included?" These tactics reduce morale drain and redirect energy toward constructive action. When leaders consistently apply inquiry, complaints lose their power to dominate meetings and become a signal for unmet needs. Teams become more resilient, decision-making improves, and overall performance rises because the same energy that once stalled progress now fuels solutions.