Just people in a room

Leadership problems start with a mirror, not a monster. The author recounts being laid off with an entire department after a pointless meeting with clueless managers, realizing that the real issue was the toxic hierarchy that rewarded silence over insight. The story illustrates how blaming "the others" obscures the fact that we often contribute to the very dysfunction we despise.

At Amazon, two interns faced a career-killing stall because they were afraid to speak up. When the author intervened, a VP threatened him with violence, yet the same VP was later praised as "irreplaceable" by leadership. The episode exposes how power can be wielded without accountability, turning conflict into intimidation instead of constructive dialogue.

The culture of needing to be an "asshole" to survive is another theme. A senior TPM warned that only sharp elbows get promoted, prompting the author to adopt aggressive tactics that later clashed with his own values. This pressure erodes morale, fuels burnout, and creates a hostile environment where good ideas are silenced.

A later incident at Snap shows the fallout of an unchecked emotional response: an all-hands email calling out a "peanut gallery" led to the CEO calling out a breach of company values. The author's apology highlighted that humility and self-awareness are more sustainable leadership tools than intimidation.

Now teaching, the author uses group projects to surface these dynamics safely, letting students experience conflict, reflect, and grow a little each time. The goal is not to eliminate all friction but to turn personal blind spots into opportunities for better communication, healthier culture, and more resilient teams.