Changing How Others Perceive You. Most Importantly, Those Who Dislike You.

The core insight is that relationship problems at work rarely stem from a vague dislike; they arise from concrete behaviors that hurt the other person. In the story of Tanya, her manager says she needs to "step up" but never explains what that means. The first step for any leader is to listen for the specific complaint behind the resentment and then address that behavior directly.

The article shows how people often respond defensively-"But my code is good!" or "I'm not doing anything wrong"-which only reinforces the negative opinion. It points out that managers and peers expect you to own the feedback, not deflect it with counter-examples or third-party praise. By asking concrete questions like "What specific action are you unhappy with?" and then taking visible steps to fix it, you break the momentum of a deteriorating relationship.

Practical tactics include: actually listening without planning a rebuttal, fixing the identified issue (show up to stand-ups, improve delivery speed, clarify expectations), and avoiding arguments that feed the other person's defensiveness. Changing your own behavior creates new data for the manager to form a better opinion, which can unlock career growth and improve day-to-day satisfaction.