The Stories in Our Heads (Fact vs. Meaning)

People constantly turn observed facts into personal stories, and those stories drive how they feel and act. A water-balloon hit is just a fact, but the meaning you assign-accident or intentional aggression-determines whether you laugh it off or start a conflict.

Andy Sparks shows that we all fill gaps in knowledge with assumptions, especially when we lack context. He points to everyday moments-someone interrupting a meeting, being late, or an S3 outage-and illustrates how the immediate story we tell can create unnecessary blame or anxiety.

The practical fix is to notice when you're living in "Meaning Land" instead of "Fact Land". Sketch a simple T-chart with facts on the left and meanings on the right, ask what information could shift the meaning, and reflect on the relationship that colored your interpretation. Asking direct questions like "Why did you throw that water balloon?" pulls you back toward factual clarity.

For technical leaders, this habit cuts through miscommunication, reduces needless conflict, and leads to clearer decision-making. By treating facts as neutral data and interrogating the stories we spin, teams can focus on solving real problems rather than fighting imagined ones.