Route Around Big Egos - by Shreyas Doshi

Senior product managers at top-tier companies often let ego dominate negotiations, turning cross-team collaboration into a battle of personalities. The piece argues that the most effective way to sidestep this friction is to move the discussion to engineering managers, team leads, or designers, letting them act as the conduit for the request. By keeping the ego-driven PM out of the direct conversation, teams can focus on outcomes rather than personal competition.

The author notes that many senior PMs already know this trick works but avoid it because they prioritize personal glory over product success. When two Type-A PMs butt heads, the resulting stalemate wastes time and stalls delivery. Routing the negotiation to the engineering side reduces the emotional stakes and leverages the existing trust and influence that EMs or TLs have with their teams.

Practically, the approach means identifying the counterpart's EM or TL, framing the ask as a collaborative problem, and letting that leader champion the solution. Designers can also serve this role when the discussion is heavily user-experience focused. The PM stays in the background, providing context only as needed, which keeps the focus on the work rather than the personalities involved.

Applying this technique yields smoother cross-team alignment, faster decision-making, and higher quality outcomes, especially for Group, Principal, and Director-level PMs who frequently encounter ego-driven conflicts. It also frees the PM to concentrate on strategy rather than firefighting interpersonal battles.

Ultimately, the insight is simple: bypass the ego by using the influence of engineering leadership, turning a potentially combative negotiation into a cooperative effort that drives product success.