Ask Questions, Repeat The Hard Parts, and Listen

A leader who is asked to make a hard decision often feels uncomfortable, but the real work is not to give the answer but to shape the decision-maker. The author explains that the leader's role is to ask a flood of honest questions, forcing the other person to articulate the problem, the stakes, and the tradeoffs. By doing so the leader educates themselves while simultaneously nudging the asker toward their own conclusion.

The second tactic is to repeat the hard parts of the problem. Complex decisions are easy to gloss over when stress is high, so the leader deliberately restates the critical details. This repetition clarifies hidden assumptions and buys time, giving the asker a chance to see the path to a decision more clearly.

Listening is the third pillar. After questioning and repetition, the leader steps back, clears their head, and absorbs the answer without reacting emotionally. This neutral stance shows respect, builds safety, and signals that the leader trusts the asker's judgment. The leader's silence and focus let the other person fill the decision gap.

When the asker finally says "right" or makes a concrete proposal, the leader has done the heavy lifting: the decision is theirs, not the leader's. The piece argues that this approach builds accountability, accelerates learning, and ultimately creates stronger, more autonomous teams.

Technical leaders should adopt these three habits-ask, repeat, listen-to turn uncomfortable moments into growth opportunities. The method reduces bottlenecks, improves decision-making speed, and reinforces a culture where leaders coach rather than command.