Why we tend to avoid public conversations

I recently sent a private message to ask who should handle a request instead of asking publicly, and it exposed a gap between what I preach and what I practice. Private queries keep decisions out of the team's view, creating silent knowledge silos that erode trust.

The article maps three recurring patterns: the Pre-Flight Check-over-thinking before posting; the Great Migration-moving a public thread to a private chat without a recap; and the Fait Accompli-decisions made in private that magically appear in a channel. These habits stem from fear of judgment and the mental load of addressing a broader audience, even though the cost of public clarity outweighs the comfort of private shortcuts.

The fix is simple but disciplined: when a private message could help others, ask to move it to a public channel, offer to post it yourself, and label drafts as Work In Progress. Summarize every private decision within a day, use tools that auto-generate summaries, and watch for micro-signals like increased public replies or references in meetings. By making private conversations costly and public ones safe, leaders turn hidden work into shared assets, improving communication velocity and team alignment.