Why We Spiral

When a core question like "Do I belong?" stays unresolved, it becomes a lens that distorts every interaction. A harmless snarky comment can feel like proof of inadequacy, pulling attention away from the task and feeding a negative hypothesis. That feedback loop deepens until the person is stuck in a self-defeating spiral.

The article opens with two Zoom scenarios: a senior member who brushes off a late arrival and a junior who spirals into doubt after the same cue. The junior's mind hangs on whether the boss's tone was snarky, whether colleagues are judging, and whether they fit in. Those questions trigger rumination, erode motivation, and lead to poorer performance.

Three concepts explain the process: core questions, construal, and calcification. Core questions are the fundamental identity worries that surface at critical moments. Construal describes how we filter reality through those worries, seeing only evidence that confirms them. Calcification is the entrenchment of the negative narrative when actions reinforce the belief, creating a vicious cycle that can affect everything from work output to personal relationships.

The author argues that these spirals are not inevitable. Small, deliberate interventions-what he calls "wise interventions"-can interrupt the loop. Simple gestures like a reassuring text, a brief reflection exercise, or a one-page letter can shift the narrative, turning a negative spiral into a positive one. Real-world examples include brief interventions that improve marriage outcomes, reduce juvenile incarceration, or boost college students' life satisfaction.

For technical leaders, the takeaway is clear: watch for unsettled core questions in team members, especially new hires or remote workers, and provide quick, empathetic feedback. By breaking negative spirals early, you protect morale, improve focus, and create space for higher performance and innovation.