How to conduct one-on-ones that actually Matter

Introduction

Stepping into a leadership role in the tech industry can be as exciting as cracking a complex algorithm. Yet, with this transition comes the responsibility of managing a team and being responsible for outputs, productivity and, more importantly, their personal and professional growth. At the heart of all of this lies the art of conducting one-on-one meetings. The value of these personal interactions cannot be overstated: they are how you build strong relationships, surface concerns, and support growth.

What is the purpose of a One-on-One?

Before diving into the "how," it's worth understanding the "why" behind one-on-one meetings.

Understanding the core purposes of one-on-one meetings can significantly improve the quality and impact of them. Below are the main objectives you should aim to achieve through your one-on-one interactions:

1. Building Trust and Rapport

One-on-ones are a starting point for building a strong rapport with your team members and beginning the long process of gaining trust. These interactions, hopefully, provide a safe space where employees can freely express their concerns, share ideas, and discuss personal or professional growth ambitions.

Imagine you have a team member named Sarah who is passionate about UX design. During your one-on-one, you discover that she's been self-learning some advanced UX techniques. By showing real interest in Sarah's learning journey and appreciating her initiative, you are building a bond of trust and encouraging her to continue developing her skills.

Tip: Make it a point to learn and remember personal details about each team member, such as their hobbies or educational pursuits. This information can be used to create a more personalised and engaging discussion during your one-on-ones.

2. Identifying Concerns and Opportunities

One-on-ones are the ideal setting to surface any hidden concerns, challenges, or opportunities. The private nature of these meetings encourages team members to open up about issues that they may not feel comfortable discussing in a group setting.

If, for example, during a one-on-one with Tom, a developer in your team, he mentions that the current code review process is causing delays in his project timelines. This feedback is invaluable and might not have come up in a larger meeting.

Tip: Create a safe space where team members feel comfortable sharing their concerns. Make clear that these meetings are a platform for open dialogue and that their feedback is both welcomed and valued.

3. Career Development and Growth

One-on-ones are a powerful tool for discussing and supporting your team members' career aspirations. They allow for tailored discussions on performance, areas for improvement, and steps towards achieving professional goals.

If an engineer in your team, Emily, expresses a desire to move into an SRE role, use the one-on-one time to understand her motivations, discuss the skills she needs to develop, and possibly outline a plan to help her transition into this new role.

Tip: Be prepared to discuss potential growth opportunities within the organisation and provide guidance on how your team members can work towards achieving their career objectives. Even if their desires mean they could leave your team! Their personal and professional growth is more important.

4. Improving Team Collaboration

Understanding the dynamics between different team members and addressing any interpersonal issues is important for maintaining a healthy team environment. One-on-ones give you insight into team relationships and potential areas of conflict that need resolution.

If there's a miscommunication between two team members that's affecting squad collaboration, use the one-on-one time to understand the root of the issue and look for ways to resolve it.

Tip: Encourage team members to share their perspectives on team dynamics and be proactive in addressing any concerns that might get in the way of collaboration or project success.

Preparing for One-on-Ones

Preparing for one-on-ones is about laying the groundwork for a constructive dialogue. The time invested in setting clear objectives, scheduling regularly, and preparing an agenda will pay off by making your one-on-ones meaningful and productive.

1. Setting Clear Objectives

Before your one-on-one, it's important to set clear objectives for the meeting. Are you looking to check morale, discuss project progress, or explore career growth opportunities? For instance, if you're leading a project on developing a new software application, your objective could be to check the progress, understand any blockers, and provide support where necessary. Having a clear objective gives both you and your team members a focus for the conversation.

Tip: Understand what you want to achieve after the one-on-one for both yourself and your team members.

2. Scheduling Regularly

Consistency in one-on-ones is a sign of effective leadership. Whether it's weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly, having a regular schedule shows your commitment to your team members. For example, scheduling a recurring meeting every second Tuesday at 10 AM shows that you are making time for your team, no matter how busy things get.

Tip: Use scheduling tools like Google Calendar to set up recurring one-on-ones, making it a fixture in both your and your team member's schedules. Do everything you can to stick to that schedule, or risk making your team members think that they are not as important as your other work.

3. Preparing an Agenda

An agenda is a guide for your one-on-one meetings. It doesn't have to be a rigid document but a loose guide to make sure all the important points are covered. You could create a shared document where both you and your team members can add topics for discussion. For instance, you might want to discuss the upcoming project deadline, while your team member might have concerns about the current workflow.

Tip: Have the agenda be a living document that you both add to regularly. This gives both you and your team members time to prepare for the discussion. It also creates a space for a more structured and useful conversation, making sure the one-on-one time is well spent.

Conducting One-on-Ones

Running one-on-one meetings might feel unfamiliar at first. But with the right approach, these meetings become a rich source of insight, open communication, and stronger team morale.

1. Creating a Comfortable Environment

The setting of your one-on-one meeting is the first step in getting an open and honest discussion. Picture this: Emma, a diligent developer on your team, has been feeling the pressure lately but hasn't voiced her concerns in the bustling environment of your open-plan office. By choosing a quiet, neutral space or a local cosy café for your one-on-one, you provide a relaxed backdrop where Emma feels at ease to share her thoughts.

Tip: Informal settings break down the walls of hierarchy, making the conversation flow more naturally.

2. Active Listening

As the tech lead, your primary role during one-on-ones is to listen, really listen. Take the case of Jake, who mentions in passing his struggle with managing a particular feature due to some uncooperative team members. Rather than immediately jumping to solutions or assumptions, ask open-ended questions to find out more about the situation. Questions like, "Can you tell me more about the challenges you're facing with the team?" or "How does that make you feel?" not only show that you're paying attention but also give Jake a platform to express himself.

Tip: The key here is to practice active listening, where you're fully present in the conversation, understanding the emotions and the words being shared.

3. Addressing Concerns and Providing Feedback

Addressing concerns and providing constructive feedback is at the heart of good one-on-ones. For instance, if you've noticed that Mia has been missing her deadlines, this is the time to bring it up. Instead of merely pointing out the lag, approach it with a mindset of finding solutions together. You could say, "I've noticed that the last couple of projects have stretched beyond the deadlines. Let's work together to identify what's causing the delays and how we can get things back on track." This approach not only names the issue but also creates a collaborative spirit to find solutions.

And don't shy away from sharing positive feedback. If Liam has done a stellar job on a recent feature, make sure to acknowledge his hard work and the impact it had on the team and project. Specific, genuine praise goes a long way in boosting morale and encouraging a culture of excellence.

Tip: By taking the time to address concerns and provide both positive and constructive feedback, you're not only fixing issues as they come up but also creating an environment of continuous improvement and open dialogue.

Following Up

A successful one-on-one doesn't end when you leave the room. What really makes these meetings count is the follow-up. It's what turns discussions into actions and promises into results. Here's a closer look at how to get the follow-up right:

1. Documenting Key Takeaways

Your one-on-one with Jessica revealed her growing interest in taking up more back-end projects. This isn't just casual chit-chat; it's a career aspiration finding its voice. After the meeting, take a moment to write down key takeaways like this. It could be in a digital note or a dedicated one-on-one follow-up document. This documentation serves as a reference point for future discussions.

Tip: Writing down key takeaways shows your team members that you value their input and remember their aspirations.

2. Setting Action Items

Action items are how we move one-on-ones towards achieving actual outcomes. Let's say during your one-on-one, Tom voiced concerns about the lack of clarity in team communication. An action item could be setting up a weekly project update meeting or creating a shared project dashboard.

Tip: End each one-on-one with action items, specify who is responsible for each and by when it should be done. This clarity drives action.

3. Tracking Progress

The story of progress is built over a series of one-on-ones. For instance, if in the previous meeting, Sarah had committed to improving her code review turnaround time, revisit this in your next one-on-one. Ask her about the challenges faced, and the progress made. Offer your support in overcoming any roadblocks. Tracking progress shows that you are invested in your team members' growth and want to see them succeed.

Tip: Follow-ups are how you show that you care. They turn words into actions, and make sure the conversation carries forward into the days that follow. Until you sit down for the next one, ready to pick up where you left off.

Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Starting out as a manager is exciting but comes with plenty of potential missteps, especially when it comes to one-on-one meetings. These personal interactions can either build a strong bond between you and your team members or, if handled badly, can lead to an atmosphere of mistrust and disengagement. Let's look at some common errors and how to avoid them.

1. Lack of Preparation

A lack of preparation can turn a potentially useful one-on-one into an awkward series of filler questions and missed opportunities. Consider the case of Tim, a new tech leader, who walked into a one-on-one with Alice, his developer, with no agenda. The conversation wandered through generic questions, leaving Alice feeling undervalued and Tim none the wiser about the challenges Alice was facing with her current projects.

Tip: Draft a clear agenda before the meeting. It could include items like feature updates, feedback, career development discussions, or concerns your team member might have. Share this agenda with your team members beforehand to set expectations and let them prepare as well.

2. Ignoring Non-Verbal Cues

Communication goes beyond the words spoken. It's a mix of verbal and non-verbal signals. For instance, if during a one-on-one, you notice that John, your front-end developer, becomes fidgety every time a particular project is mentioned, that's telling you something. Ignoring cues like that can lead to unaddressed concerns that grow worse over time.

Tip: Be observant and tuned in to your team member's body language. If you notice discomfort, address it openly. Ask probing questions to get at any underlying issues.

3. Neglecting Follow-Up

A meaningful one-on-one doesn't end when you step out of the meeting room; it extends to the actions that follow. Imagine you discussed fixing a bottleneck in the workflow with Emily, your team member, but the days roll on by with no action or communication from your end. Emily's trust in the one-on-one process and in you could weaken, creating a crack in the team's trust.

Tip: After the meeting, promptly write up the discussion, and share the notes with your team members. Set clear action items, deadlines, and make sure there's a shared understanding of the next steps. Your timely follow-up shows your commitment to addressing concerns and driving actions, and it builds a culture of trust and accountability.

Avoiding these common missteps takes a mix of preparation, attentiveness, and diligent follow-up. Each one-on-one is a learning experience, a step towards getting better at the craft of managerial communication, and a chance to make a real impact on your team's morale and productivity.

Conclusion

Conducting effective one-on-ones is a skill that gets better with practice, growing alongside you as a tech leader. What makes a one-on-one meaningful is the intention behind it: to build trust, support growth, and keep communication open. As you get deeper into each conversation, you'll discover insights, aspirations, and concerns that tell you a lot about where each person is and where the team is heading. The trust built during these conversations adds up over time, creating a team where people feel valued and heard. And a team that trusts each other doesn't just feel better; it works better too.

With every good conversation, you're not just getting better at leading. You're also setting a standard for what leadership looks like on your team: one that's built on empathy, understanding, and a genuine interest in helping people grow.